Today has been a day that I could just forget about completely. It started this morning at work when my boss decided to tell me that someone at my work was feeling uncomfortable with my transitioning. Now, the thing about that is, I told everyone individually, and away from prying eyes. Not one person said anything about having a problem and that it was my decision. So, after two months at work since telling everyone, what has changed? What has caused this to be an issue? Either way, my boss was not at his best with dealing with the situation. He proceeded to tell me that he would have done things differently on telling people, but he wanted to "allow" me to do it my own way and since I did then there is not much he can do. So, I am to grab the keys and change clothes in the break room as soon as I get to work from now on, no listening to pass-on's, no talking, nothing.
Later in the evening, I got up from getting plenty of sleep, but still feeling puny from getting no sleep the day before. I just seemed to let every little thing get me upset or aggravate me in some way. This might just be a side effect of the hormones, but it was still annoying. I hoping my day goes ten times better tomorrow. I a supposed to take my girlfriend to the botanical gardens. they are supposed to have everything lit up for the holidays. It snowed today, but with it warmer tomorrow the snow should melt. Wish me luck!
Not everyone is going to be honest with you to your face. All you can do is be honest with them. There are going to be haters and those who will try and hurt you for being different, but I know you have the strength and heart to make it though.
ReplyDeleteRemember why you are doing all this. There will be those that understand and love you for who you are, there will be those that will not understand and try and put you in a box that suits them. I wish I could say there will be more of the first one, but the world still cannot accept people for themselves and needs to place everyone in categories. Listen to this poem, maybe it will help, but at least I hope you like it. http://www.indiefeedpp.libsyn.com/webpage/e-rose-sims-on-cartography-and-dissection
ReplyDeleteNever forget that you are challenging something deeper and more fundimentally significant than peoples views about gender. You are trangressing freedom, and what it means to live a true and authentic life. You are doing what is right for you, for your health, happiness and well being. You're not just quietly retiring to the life has handed you and suffering along quietly, you're being proactive, and doing something to live a happier, fuller life. That alone, no matter the reasons, or the details, tends to make some people uncomfortable. You are showing character and self awareness other people cannot handle. Because subconciously it reminds them that they lack the strength to do that themselves. And that Luv is where some of the disconnect can come from. Lacking the courage of one's convictions and not really able to embrace their own authenticity, whatever it may be, highlights their own limitations not yours.
ReplyDeleteYou are "challenging" not just often deeply held notions about gender, but freedom. And in a world where freedom, true freedom, is something of an illusion, transgressing shows you to be stronger than other people, and this makes them all nervous and upset in ways they cannot even understand.
The good news is it will eventually balance out and life will go on. There is life after all this, and I'm confident you will get there. :-)